A Canny Christmas Carol- Part IV

 

John Ashcroft awoke sober to a clear bright and cold dawn. He could see from his study window that the scene below was covered in fresh clean snow. What a night, he thought. What a weird bunch of dreams. Or were they dreams? He cast his eyes at the fire place and saw it had gone cold. The room seemed utterly normal maybe even bright with the unusual sunrise streaming through the window. He slowly surveyed the room. There was no sign of that horrible Bob Marley, or the former President, or that demented bear, Buttons. So it was just a terrible dream after all.

 

As the Attorney General slowly straightened up from his chair and turned, he eyes were caught by a bright display on the table next to his rocker. A blue bird sang hello and winked at him while treats sparkled before his eyes. They were his favorite. Rice crispy treats.

 

 

 

The blue bird sat up and introduced himself to the General. “Good morning John, my name is Rocket but you can call me Blue. I have a message from my partner Buttons. These Canny Rice Crispy treats were baked just for you. Merry Christmas from the Ghost of Second Chances!”

 

“Oh my God”, gasped Ashcroft. “It was all true. It was all real. Bird, am I doomed to suffer alone in that horrible nursing home with Philomena Phillipina?” implored the Attorney General.

 

“You start fresh this Christmas morning John. What would you like to do?” said Rocket as he dropped a bit of rubber catheter from his beak and pecked at a crispy treat.

 

“Yikes! exclaimed Ashcroft. “I’ve got to get to the Department of Justice and head off that raid on Crotchless”.

 

Ashcroft plunged down the stairs grabbing an overcoat and hat next to the front door. His wife and kids looked at him puzzled. He was smiling and the bags under his eyes had disappeared. Janet spoke first saying simply, “Merry Christmas, John, the kids and I are so happy to see you well and rested”. “Oh Janet, sobbed Ashcroft, I’m so grateful to have you and the kids. I’ve got to run on some errands but I’ll be back soon and we can open our presents and maybe say a prayer or two of thanks.”

 

An unhappy group of Justice Staffers quietly acknowledged the boss as he strode through the door with unusual energy. With his eyes gleaming he spoke in a loud clear voice. “I won’t keep you all but for a minute or two. You should be home with your families and me with mine. I just have some new orders for you to get out to the field offices and then we can all go enjoy this lovely Christmas”.

 

“First, let’s close all of the medical marijuana cases and give the folks all their stuff back. We can talk about paying them for our hurtful actions later but we will make full restitution. Oh, and don’t start any new cases. We are going to change our ways and concentrate on real police work in the future. There are plenty of bad guys to go after. Let’s just leave the patients alone”.

 

“Then let’s make a list of all the patients in prison for using or growing their medicine and let’s petition the courts to dismiss their convictions in the interests of Justice and compassion.” “Heck, you may as well let all of the marijuana cases go. It’s not like they’re dangerous or anything”. 

 

The Justice Department Staffers were shocked but hopeful. None of them had signed on to harass sick people. The Attorney General was serious. He even ordered the drapes removed from the statue that had so offended him in the past. “Let Justice be unveiled! Let truth and compassion be our guides”, shouted Ashcroft. “You know Justice looks pretty good this morning”

 

 

 

“Oh, one last thing. Could one of you give me the key to our evidence locker and point out the cannabis that we can’t link with any cases”. Ashcroft hurried to the large walk-in evidence locker and began stuffing bales of fresh bud into a large red cloth sacks. “The rest of you distribute these bags to the sick. I’m taking a couple with me”, beamed the Attorney General as he and his security detail hurried out of the building and hopped in his car heading for the Crotchless family residence.

 

A short drive away stood the Crotchless residence. It was a small house with an old Plymouth parked out front and a few Christmas lights around the door. Bob and his wife could be seen inside gathered around the tree with their autistic son Timmy who was gleefully opening his few presents. Ashcroft and his men got out of the car, quickly changed into their Christmas costumes and grabbed a few bags. “Let’s go men. It’s time to bring some Christmas cheer to Bob and his family”.

 

 

Santa Ashcroft and his men politely knocked at the door and Bob ushered them into their humble abode. Bob was stunned to see his boss and company and feared for his wife and little Timmy.

 

Bob’s fear turned to stunned surprise when Ashcroft began handing out bales of fresh cut bud while singing “Silent Night” in his deep baritone accompanied by his men, the Security Four. 

 

“I’m so sorry Bob for being such a boob. Will you let me make it up to you and your family? Will you accept my gift of medicine and good cheer?, said Ashcroft.

 

“You mean you’re not arresting us?” asked Bob incredulously.

 

“Not at all Bob. I’ve come to make amendments, bring presents, and share the Christmas spirit for a moment”.

 

“Well, thank you General. Would you like to meet the Mrs. And my boy Timmy? He’s autistic you know. Please don’t be upset if he seems to ignore you and doesn’t talk”.

 

John Ashcroft crossed the tiny living room and sat down below the tree next to Timmy. The General reached into his pocket and handed Timmy one of the rice crispy treats left to him this morning. Timmy took the treat without comment and quietly munched the gooey square while opening a strangely shaped package under the tree marked “For Big Timmy with Love”. As a pile of shredded wrapping paper built up next to Timmy a strange green stuffed bear emerged from the colored paper and snuggled up to Timmy with a big grin on his face. It was Buttons.

 

Timmy turned and looked at John Ashcroft. He stared directly into the Generals face for a minute then Timmy’s face broke into a smile. “You’re Dad’s boss, the asshole John Ashcroft aren’t you?” asked Timmy. “Yes, Timmy I’m John but I’ve changed”.

 

“I can see you have John. That’s wonderful. Just don’t look back John, don’t look back. Remember what happened to Lott and his wife. Lott lost his job and his wife turned to salt. 

Stay with me in the light John. It’s going to be OK. Now, let’s go celebrate God’s birthday”.

 

 Soon the Crotchless family, John Ashcroft, and his men sat down to a Christmas dinner that included a roast turkey, Cajun Bud Stuffing, Green Garlic Toasted, and Garlic Roasted Mashed Potatoes.

 

“As I recall John, God revealed himself to Isaiah in a cloud of sweet smoke”, said Bob after dinner was finished. “Well, Bob, you know I’m a Bible man and can’t but agree”, declared Ashcroft as he pulled a large fatty from an inside pocket. “I hear that if evidence locker pot doesn’t get you close to God then just about nothing will”, said John as he lit the fatty and passed it around the Christmas table.

 

“God bless you John, shouted Timmy, God Bless Everyone. Merry Christmas.”

 

 

Go to Part I    Go to Part II    Go to Part III